Titus 2:4 "..train the younger women to love their husbands and children...."
Husband vs. Wife?????

This is the third post in a series based on Titus 2, admonishing older woman to teach the younger women to love their husbands, as well as other good pieces of advice. After I published the first post, I was bombarded with requests asking how my husband and I PERSONALLY handle disagreements.

Here are the typical order of events when my husband and I disagree:

When we know after a short conversation that we have an issue upon which we disagree, we set aside a time when we can discuss it and each make our opinions known.  We had to do this because unfortunately, I have a propensity to blow up quickly    :(     For some reason, especially in the past, I tend to assume that my husband is generally wrong, and I am usually right.  Often it’s not even a matter of right or wrong, but I still want to be right, …..oh what an ugly flesh nature I have.

We might meet in 15 minutes, or at bedtime or even in a day or two when we can discuss it without an audience of our children.

After we each make our points, my husband makes the final decision if we can’t agree.  We often settle for some type of compromise, or even for others to be involved in the decision, but the final decision is his. I will continue to pray about it, but not nag or whine.

I believe that it is biblical to submit and I have found, to my continual amazement, when we do things God’s way, the circumstances work out for the best of everyone involved.  Sometimes I can’t see those results immediately, but looking back over the 29 years that we’ve been married, I see how God has worked through my submission over and over again. I have come to see that even if I am ‘right’, by submitting to my husband, things turn out the way I thought they should anyway, but we are BOTH happy.

The first year that I was married, if we didn’t do things my way, I nagged and nagged or sulked or whined.  I was HORRIBLE to live with!  My husband needed me to respect him. My behavior was inexcusable.  Respecting our husbands goes a LONG way to make a marriage wonderful!

One of the best books that I read on the subject is called Men are Like Waffles and Women are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrel. Here is a link for you to see the book. (I am not affiliated with the book or CBD in any way!)

 

Tomorrow I’ll give 3 examples of some heavy-duty disagreements that we’ve had over the years, and what happened!

The picture was taken several days ago on the boardwalk at Ocean City, N.J.  My husband and I with one of our daughters!

I’m linking to the following blogs:

http://womenlivingwell.org/

 Bonni is the author of Mom By Example

  1. abba12
    Thank you for making the point that BOTH opinions are heard. I hear so often that a submissive wife is a doormat who dosen't ever speak her mind and just does what her husband says. Yeah right! My husband knows very well what my opinions are! I probably make TOO sure of that! What being submissive means is, once the opinions are discussed, I allow him to make the final decision, and I accept that decision, and make the best of it, instead of defying or nagging or whining. And more often than not, we actually end up in either a compromise, or he comes to see my point of view on the topic and changes his own thoughts. He feels free to change his opinions because he isn't in a battle to be 'right' or stand his ground, he knows after this discussion I will back down, so he is free to actually listen without bias and not feel like I am forcing his hand or just arguing for the sake of it. In fact I think the only time an argument on a practical, day to day issue, resulted in him deciding he was right without compromise was over tithing (we both believe in tithing, but he believes it must go to the church, and it's the churches responsibility to spend it wisely, while I see the church wasting money on frivilous stuff, and ignoring what I consider real needs, and I feel we should give our tithe directly to the Lords work, whether it's missions or foodbanks or families in need.) I am pretty sure this is the only time he did not compromise, but he did listen to me and talk it through, and he knows my heart on the issue, so now all I can do is be content that he is responsible to answer for this decision and make the best I can of the situation. On the other hand, I managed to completely change his mind on the idea of infant baptism vs baptism once the child understands, and he has changed his opinion to mine, after some long discussions and my choice not to push him.
    • Bonni
      Thanks for the comment! I agree with what you said! I think the words 'submission' and 'doormat' are often viewed as synonyms by women. That is sad because there is freedom and order in submission, when we do it God's way! I'd love to have coffee with you some time. It would be fun to continue this discussion.
  2. Lauren
    Great word! I love how submission isn't being opinionless, but sharing your opinion and then having hubby decide. Not easy, and I appreciate your explaining this. :) Lauren, lholmes79.wordpress.com
    • Bonni
      Amen! Submission is not being a doormat, or being opinion less as you said, or being weak or unworthy. When we submit God's way, it is powerful and freeing! Thanks for the comment!
  3. Kelly
    Hello, sorry to comment on this post, but I've been trying to email you about speaking at our mom's group at church and I can't seem to find your contact information on this site anymore. Please tell me how I can contact you regarding speaking at one of our meetings. Thanks so much!!! Kelly
    • Bonni
      Hi! I need to do a better job getting that info on my blog! My email is greiner10 at windstream dot net Or you can leave a message on my Facebook page, Bonni Greiner. Hope that you are having a great summer! Bonni