Three Child Raising Secrets From Our Rabbi

IMG_2128Looking back at my parenting techniques, there are several things that I did that were effective, and I’d like to share them in this post. I have already shared some of my ‘failures’. You can read about them here.

My husband and I received intense premarital counseling.

The messianic Rabbi leading the counseling sessions advised us to do the following if God blessed us with children:

-Say things once, and then act. If I tell my child not to touch something, and they touch it, I need to act immediately. I need to go to them, talk to them eye to eye, and explain  that they didn’t obey. They needed to know that willful disobedience was cause for appropriate disciplinary action, and that ‘slow obedience is no obedience.’  The Rabbi explained that if our children learn to obey authority quickly, they will be more likely to  obey the urging or prompting of the Holy Spirit in their lives. I can’t prove or disprove that, but I do know that it was wonderful and freeing for the children  to obey promptly, and learn to respect authority.

-Show honor and respect for my husband. God has planned an umbrella of protection within a family. Dad is to be the spiritual leader in the home. Although mom and dad are equally important, when they can’t agree, mom needs to submit to dad’s authority. I can lecture my children daily about the importance of love, respect, and submission to their father, but they will remember and replicate what they see, not hear.

-I need to remember that during their formative years, I am not my children’s friend. I am their mother. I need to set boundaries for them, and help them learn many things, including their need for a Savior. Contrary to popular belief, my disfunctions do not corrupt my sinless and perfect babies. My babies are born  sinful, and I need to help them learn to acquire skills to live disciplined and fruit-producing lives.

I will become their friend.

I have become friends with 7 of my 8 children, so I KNOW that it happens, and it is icing on the cake of parenthood!  (#8 is 16 years old, so it won’t be long until our relationship changes also)

I would LOVE to read your parenting successes!

Photo of our very imperfect, latest Christmas card.

Bonni is the author of Mom By Example

About Bonni

What happens when a Jewish girl from Philadelphia falls in love with and marries a Christian hog farmer from a small rural town 85 miles from her home? Well, in my case, I became a Christian, but struggled to be the loving wife and joyful mother to my 4 young sons. This blog was born in order to share one tip a day that I learned, that could now help other moms learn to handle life with patience, grace and joy!

6 thoughts on “Three Child Raising Secrets From Our Rabbi

  1. LOVE the family photo, Bonni! 🙂 And about the post …. some of us didn’t have those three great tips from the beginning. Can all three be started part-way through? And how does it work if your husband is on a different page…..?

    1. I don’t think it’s ever too late to change what we’re doing. I made radical changes when my first four children were 5,3,2, and 9 months old. I explained to my children that I was going to stop yelling at them, and spend more time playing with them and having fun. I also was careful to smile more, and affirm them every day, (before lunch, because if I didn’t attach it to a meal, I would probably forget half the time 🙁 ) The husband question is a different ball game. My husband did not participate in the disciplining of our children. That was my job. He worked two full time jobs, so I was the one with the children most of the time. God became my partner when I needed help in disciplining the children. If you and your husband don’t agree, could you write down goals that you have for your children, and try to agree/compromise on techniques to reach those goals?? Any readers have any ideas?

  2. I love these points. Our kids watch everything we do. One of the best things we can do for them is to to treat our spouse with respect especially if we want them to do the same. It is so hard to remember that we are not their friend but that is very important also. We have such a short time to mold them into the people they need to be. In order to do that we are going to step on their toes a bit and that is ok because eventually they will come around. They will realize that in the end we are still in their corner and we had their best interest at heart.

    1. Bridget, thank you for taking the time to comment. Of the 3 points the Rabbi taught us, the hardest one for me, was not being their friend. I had to continually force myself to remember that if I didn’t train them, who would? If I didn’t teach them to hold fast to the truth of God, they would not find any other truth in this world, for there is none. You wrote that our children WILL understand that we had their best interest at heart, and that is true! Our grown children have thanked us for being steadfast in training them. But… sure is hard work 🙂

  3. Great advice……we have learned and used the same…..but I wish we would have learned it earlier than we did. Thank you for sharing this.

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